brief words on bereavement

“If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it.”
– Lemony Snicket

Over the weekend I lost a friend and continue to mourn the void he left. Today because of my bullheadedness I fear I pushed another friend away. As I forced to have a conversation with a young man that called the departed his best friend. A term that develops a more sacred meaning the older I get. Our conversation was more of a fight and then silence than the talk I had hoped for. It had become apparent that it is easy to push people away when emotions are high, for who’s sake I’m still not sure. Although very sobering thought has just occurred: if I didn’t pursue years of mindfulness training would be just as angry with the world as the young man I tried to talk to? Currently my eyes are moist and want to believe yes; as I tell myself its because of excessive yawning wanting to fight off sleep for a little longer to better organize these thoughts. But, it would be more accurate to say stumbling on an old album has summoned up a bevy of raw emotions in me.
I’ve said goodbye to grandparents, teachers, and friends before. But, when you watch someone grow up for more than a decade; like an uncle you’re invested in seeing them grow up and do great things. When the unthinkable happens you know exactly how it feels, and you need loved ones more than ever because no one else can possibly know how it feels.

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An orgin story of the Savage Scientist (a draft)

A little while ago (5 years nearly), I resolved to write about my adventures rebuilding my own identity from the age old conflict of most life long athletes, recovering from an life altering injury. This one being the one that broke the camel’s knee and causing a retreat to playing it safe and using highly refined skills of running, marginally, fast to get fat at desk working at a 9-5 gig. Receiving a daily stipend of platitudes over social media, for find motivating things to post while my own fire was dying inside.

I share this because  it summarizes what happens all to often when something motivates us to take the fork in the road that is well worn, avoiding the road less traveled, simultaneously ensuring safety and disappointing our 9th grade selves. I promise to keep retrospectives to a minimum in the future; as the past lays the ground work that will be shared. But, the hope is as a debriefing exercise more than wistful nostalgia.

Look forward to my future posts:
My much abused 80/20 method to dieting.

Experiement Jund (data collection in progress)

So the mediocre student are starting a podcast with the master?